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June 2013

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Limericks about Slash

Disclaimer: Just for fun.

Note: All of these were originally posted on Dave Cullen's board in the Slash Discussion & Recommendations thread under the Juicy Bits topic.  (Except one, which was posted on LJ as an anonymous comment.  Anonymous, HAH!)

The Red Stallion, it is a queer bar.
Its story is loved near and far.
     Cause that’s where Cantrell,
     Wooed Ennis so well—
Two hundred twenty two chapters, so far!

When Jack Twist moved to Amarillo,
Ennis Del Mar cried into his pillow.
     But he won’t give up Jack:
     Followed him, wooed him back.
And those sex scenes, well they are a thrill, oh!

Imagine Jack Twist reading Proulx!
He wouldn’t know what he should do.
     Should he try to meet Ennis?
     Or stay home and play tennis?
We say, “Well, this is sure something new!”

Jack Twist’s little boy name of Bobby,
Chose revenge as his favorite new hobby.
     The slashistas were grossed,
     When he fucked his Dad’s ghost,
After shooting old Roy in the lobby.

If you follow the interesting prose,
Supplied by our Montana Crows,
     Be sure to leave word,
     Or she’ll cut into the herd,
And leave dead livestock lying in rows!

Jack’s alive in a hospital bed,
Though everyone thinks he is dead.
     With amnesia he’s stricken.
     Ennis meanwhile—no chicken—
Confronts old man Twist at his spread.

MaineWriter moved them to Vermont,
For the privacy that they both want.
     A reporter named Liz,
     Wants to learn all their biz,
But their lifestyle they don’t care to flaunt.

When Ennis woke up from his nightmare,
He vowed not to have to say “I swear…”
     Off to Childress he went,
     To tell Jack he’d repent.
Of his love he was finally aware.

Let’s cast Jack as a hot teenaged whore,
And Ennis as the boy next door.
     Now enter K.E.
     On some kind of a spree…
Well, no wonder we’re asking for more!

Bob White is a sociopath,
Who lusts after Jack Twist’s sweet ass.
     Through all his sweet talking,
     Our Jack just keeps baulking,
Till Ennis explodes in his wrath.

Jack looking for something to do,
Took Ennis aboard QE2,
     Round the world they had fun
      (No, that wasn’t a pun!)
Did they make some new friends?  Quite a few!

A limerick writer named Sid,
Found most people liked what he did.
     In his haste he fucked up,
     Got his authors mixed up.
And he’s blushing right now, like a kid!  

MaineWriter moved them to Vermont,
For the privacy that they both want.
     A reporter named Liz,
     Wants to learn all their biz,
But their lifestyle they don’t care to flaunt.

They inherit a nice ranch in Quanah,
So now they can live like they wanna.
     Kids visit, that’s cozy,
     And everything’s rosy*,
They’ve finally achieved their Nirvana.

* Including the house!

In Don Wroe’s small cabin two men,
Have some sex that’s as hot as cayenne.
     They switch their positions,
     Confess Mex expeditions.
Will they speak to each other again?

The headings tell us where and when,
And Ennis meets Jack once again.
     We know both the persons,
     Yet confusion still worsens.
We hope to some day comprehend.

When Ennis shows up at Jack’s door,
He’s clearly been shocked to the core.
     We don’t know what happened,
     But surely his best friend—
Or Bobby—can En’s mind restore.

Although I so seldom read RPS,
Your drabbles I love, Louise, nonetheless.
     Heath/Ennis and Jake/Jack,
     Through the filming of Brokeback.
Have seduced me completely, I must confess.

Some eyebrows will lift at bailey’s new
Fanfic about asshole Aguirre who
     Comes to give Jack bad news,
     But stays to abuse…
Well, I better stop here or I’ll shock ewe.

Oh, they have the love that will never grow old.
But the principals do, in these stories we’re told.
     Through prunes and Ensure,
     Their love doth endure.
Might be snow on the roof, but the fire ain’t cold.

The slash authors are going to town,
With a tale ‘bout a ship of renown.
     Shall we cheer, squee, or panic,
     When upon the Titanic,
Our Ennis and Jack will go down?

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